July 2010
2 posts
A Fond Farewell
A Parting Word This is the last time we shall speak. Candidates, or rather citizens, it is with sorrow that I bid you farewell, but it is with great pride and fondness that I congratulate you all on your successful citizenship applications. As the final stage in our journey together, you may follow this link to receive a souvenir of our time together, which also functions as a questionnaire for...
Jul 8th
Prize-Giving Approaches
Prize-Giving Approaches Dearest Candidates, In the weeks since we last communicated, your applications have been processed, your class photos have been examined, and the Empire’s pride has swelled mightily. You have done yourselves a great credit, and it gives me pride to welcome you all into joint citizenship of His Majesty’s Empire and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and...
Jul 7th
June 2010
25 posts
Daily Task #11: Class Photograph
A Congratulatory Note It is my great pleasure, Candidates, to congratulate you on reaching the end of the live testing phase of your applications to become Joint Citizens of the United Kingdom and His Majesty’s Empire. While your applications will not be completed until the process officially ends on July Seventh, your efforts over the past two weeks have proven you all worthy of the great...
Jun 18th
Daily Task #10: Neville's Recollection
Therapy Candidates, I return to you from a day spent ministering to my poor aide Neville, who has been suffering most bizarrely. Since his disappearance last week, he has been visited nightly by a recurring phantasm, a dream that seems so regular and specific that it can only be memory. This nightmare plagues young Mr Rudzamoria so fully that he is unable to concentrate, and has fallen into a...
Jun 17th
Daily Task #9: Etiquette
Etiquette It is my great pleasure to inform you, Candidates, that you are approaching the culmination of your citizenship test. As such, I feel it is my duty to correctly prepare you for your eventual introduction to Imperial Society. To this end, today’s task will teach you the proper etiquette for a large soiree, at which you will meet many people. From 14.30 BST to 16.30 BST today, I...
Jun 16th
Daily Task #9: Two Hours' Notice
T - Two Hours Candidates: this is your notice that, in two hours’ time, at 14.30 BST, today’s live task will take place. Full Instructions to be posted at 14.00 BST. Prepare yourselves.
Jun 16th
Daily Task #8: Memes
Back, by popular demand Following the enthusiastic reception last week’s reprinting of Mr James Read’s short culture notes received, we have decided to furnish you with more of his observations. Today, we have collected some of his most popular summations of the “viral videos” that your internet has become so famous for. Can you name them? Send your answers to @WiredUK...
Jun 15th
3 tags
Daily Task #7: Invention
Invention Today’s Citizenship Test celebrates and expresses the inventiveness of the British People - you great innovators-at-home, you curious minds, you drawing-room pioneers! Since time immemorial, man has been fascinated with his ability to contrive new mechanisms and devices with which to ease his daily life. These inventions are often discovered not by the scientist in his...
Jun 14th
Daily Task #6: Motivation
Motivation Candidates, I wish to extend my heartfelt thanks for your assistance in locating my attache Neville. He is now returned to us safely, having spent yesterday suffering from Garmonbozia, and therefore being completely unaware of his actions. He wishes me to convey his gratitude to you all. After such an emotionally draining experience, we find ourselves in need of a rallying cry, a...
Jun 12th
Daily Task #5: Signal Trace
A Request for Help Candidates, I am distressed. Upon arriving at the Embassy this morning, I have again found no sign of my attache, Neville. Normally at his desk by the time the first rays of the sun light the sky, this two day absence is quite uncharacteristic. Even more so is his failure to respond to any manner of communication. My consternation and worry has never been greater. The only...
Jun 11th
Daily Task #4: Songs
Cultural Understanding An essential aspect of fostering an harmonious and fulfilling relationship between our two great nations is nurturing a deep understanding of each others’ cultures. To this end, our most renowned cultural critic, Mr James Read, has begun a series of short summaries of your cultural touchstones. Published by the Ministry of Arts, Culture and Socialisation’s...
Jun 10th
Daily Task #3: Hunt Recap
What Kind of Task Has It Been? Candidates, I was astounded last night to witness the full breadth of your creativity and humour in your responses to our Scavenger Hunt task. Clearly, we will be privileged to have you amongst the proud citizens of His Majesty’s Empire! Highlights I now present to you some of the more entertaining picks from last night’s task. It is a pleasure to...
Jun 10th
Daily Task #3: Hunt Result!
A Winner! We would like to extend our warmest congratulations to candidate chainzster, who was the first to successfully find answers to all our scavenger hunt demands. Congratulations, Chainzster! Other candidates’ answers have been scored, and we will present a round up of the best answers tomorrow afternoon, along with other highlights of the week. Until then, I am, as ever, your...
Jun 9th
Daily Task #3: Service Update
An Assurance Due to the current problems being encountered with twitter’s service, our Judgement Technicians are experiencing a significant delay in receiving and therefore grading your answers to today’s live task. We respectfully request your patience in this matter, and would like to congratulate you all on the high quality of your responses.
Jun 9th
3 tags
Daily Task #3: Hunt 5
Hunt! Find a walkthrough for a computer game published prior to 1995. Send it via twitter to @WiredUK, with the hashtag #hunt5
Jun 9th
3 tags
Daily Task #3: Hunt 4
Hunt! Find a cryptic crossword clue by Araucaria. Send it via twitter to @WiredUK, with the hashtag #hunt4
Jun 9th
3 tags
Daily Task #3: Hunt 3
Hunt! Find a YouTube video with between 50 and 250 views. Send it via twitter to @WiredUK, with the hashtag #hunt3
Jun 9th
3 tags
Daily Task #3: Hunt 2
Hunt! Find a piece of fan fiction about a BBC show from the 1990s. Send it via twitter to @WiredUK, with the hashtag #hunt2.
Jun 9th
3 tags
Daily Task #3: Hunt 1
Hunt! Find a blog about an obscure craft. Send the link, via twitter, to @WiredUK, with the hashtag #hunt1
Jun 9th
Daily Task #3: Hunt Instructions
Introduction Please be aware: This task is live and time-sensitive. Answers will only be accepted between 17:00 BST and 19:00 BST today. Instructions Candidates, I now present to you today’s citizenship task. To demonstrate your resourcefulness and quick wits, you will be taking part in a live, online scavenger hunt. Between 17:00 and 17:40, I will be releasing five descriptions, one...
Jun 9th
Six Hours' Notice
Notification It is my pleasure and duty to inform you that today’s task will be thrillingly live and excitingly time-sensitive. The task will commence at 17:00 BST, and no answers will be accepted beyond 19:00 BST. The task will not require your participation for the entire period, but it will require your ingenuity, curiosity, and creativity. Prepare yourselves, candidates, your...
Jun 9th
2 tags
A Clarification
On Points, Grading, and Fluctuation We have recently received several questions regarding our method of tracking your progress through the Ministry of Immigration, Naturalisation and Citizenship Joint Citizenship test, and we would like to address the confusion. Given that all success is relative, and that we can only allow the very brightest of Britons to become proud citizens of both...
Jun 9th
3 tags
Daily Task #2: Distance
Distance It is natural for a true Briton to wish to serve his Sovereign however he can, whether that be with his mind, his strength, or his courage. Is that not the stirring we feel when we hear the rousing notes of Jerusalem or Land of Hope and Glory? And, should it be necessary, is it not every Briton’s honour to lay down his life for his country? There are countless examples of such...
Jun 8th
3 tags
Daily Task #1: Harmony
On the live testing period My dearest candidates - I hope this past weekend has provided you with an opportunity to rest your weary brains and restore your spirits to their fullest, as today sees the commencement of our live testing period. Between today and next Friday the 19th of June, we will be providing you with new tasks in your quest to become joint citizens of the United Kingdom and...
Jun 7th
Daily News #3: Three Days to Go...
Farewell for the week My dearest candidates, it has come time for me to bid you adieu for the weekend. In a scant ninety minutes time, I will step back through the Aetheric Portal, experiencing only the briefest period of disconcert before finding myself back on the soil of my dearest Empire, there to spend a glorious weekend with my wife and three young children on our Hampshire estate. My...
Jun 4th
Daily News #2: Four Days to Go...
Watching the clock Candidates, I hope you are as scintillated as I am by the rapid approach of this Monday the seventh of June; for that day brings us the commencement of live testing. From Monday, we will be bringing you new tasks to complete daily, with each bringing your goal of joint citizenship ever closer. My anticipation could not be more palpable. A Message from International Babbage...
Jun 3rd
2 tags
Daily News #1: Extraordinary Teas
Fond greetings It is a great pleasure to see so many of you keenly pursuing joint citizenship, and with such creativity and aplomb. It would, however, be remiss of me not to spur you on in your quest; there are tasks still unsolved, and many still to be revealed, dear candidates. In a mere five days - on Monday the 7th of June - we will begin the active testing. Each day from thenceforth, I...
Jun 2nd
May 2010
2 posts
3 tags
The League of Extraordinary Tea Drinkers
To All Subjects of HIS MAJESTY You Are Cordially Reminded that, upon Saturday the 12th of June, our Great Nation will unite to celebrate Tea Day, in recognition of the anniversary of that great event, LORD SHACKLETON’s conquering of the Southern Pole, and his now-famous tea party there with the bested AMUNDSEN. In respect of his courageous achievement, this next fortnight will be given over...
May 29th
3 tags
K.I.M. Tips
At first glance, the “Kinaesthetically Integrated Messenger” from I.B.M might seem complex and intimidating, with its gesture-based controls and locus-dependent syntax. However, once one understands the root of the system is its modular lexicon and begins to apply its principles to the comprehension and composition of K.I.M transmissions, mastery is not far distant.  To illustrate...
May 29th